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The Inner Choice.


Emotions.  Moods.  Feelings.  They go by many names, but they are all the same thing: a reaction to a situation.  They are a reaction that, many times, we have absolutely no control over.  Sometimes we just “feel” a certain way for no reason at all.  Nothing happens, nothing doesn’t happen.  There is no rhyme or reason for feeling a certain way, yet sometimes we just do.  It makes me crazy!  (Is that another emotion?) 

Not long ago our pastor’s bible study topic was whether our feelings affected our faith.  He suggested that he believes that we have total control over how we “feel” about something.  I’m not so sure I concur with that opinion.  I do believe that we choose how we physically react to a situation (like choosing not to snap and bite someone’s head off or take a swing at someone’s jaw), but can we really decide how we feel internally?  Actually, sometimes our bodies have physical reactions that we cannot control: Crying, for example.  There are times when I have been doing absolutely nothing but sitting at my desk at work typing a monotonous letter and tears have begun streaming down my face.  I’m not talking about the boo-hoo-ing, sobbing of an emotional cry, but tears nonetheless.  Nothing in particular happened to make me cry, my feelings weren’t hurt, but yet I was physically crying.  Is that a reaction that I could control?  I know it is possible to cry on demand – my girls are masters at it – but for me, when the tears start because I have been hurt or am sad, I have no control over it.

Sometimes we just wake up “on the wrong side of the bed.”  Nothing has happened for us to react; yet our mood is dark, sad, sarcastic, angry.  What gives?  Is it really possible that we choose to be in a bad mood for no reason at all?  I believe people can choose to be just plain mean, but why would anyone just choose to be angry?  It hurts to be angry and I don’t like it one bit, yet I feel myself being angry much more than I want. 

Is it really under our control to choose whether we want to be angry or sad or depressed…or not?  Or is there more to it?  Are there truly “mood disorders” like depression and anxiety if we all have a choice in how we feel about something?  If not, how is the medical community making billions upon billions shelling out magic happy pills every time we shed a tear?  Is it all just a huge conspiracy to break down humanity?

I want to believe that we can just choose how we want to feel.  I have spent much time in the “fake it till you make it” phase, hoping that whatever negative emotion I am experiencing can be vanquished by the positive ones I show the world.  Eventually, positivism seems to win – or does it?  Has that really been an effect of my choosing or did the negativity just wear off?  I don’t know. 

What I do know is this:  None of us want negative feelings, yet we have them.  All of us want to be happy, yet the prospect is forever fleeting in so many.  If every emotion was a matter of choosing, would we really have negative ones?
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